So Your Spouse is a Bit of a Fixer Upper

I made these fun “Mr. & Mrs. Fixer Upper” shirts when our gym rented out a theater for the Sing-A-Long version of Frozen!

A good friend and I joked that if more people took the lyrics to Frozen’s Fixer Upper to heart, more people would probably stay together. Although cheesy, the song has some amazing truths. Take some advice from Frozen’s Love Experts:

1) So he’s got a few flaws…
There’s no doubt there’s a few things your spouse does that drive you up the wall. Chances are you have some flaws too, so give your spouse a break! Yes, maybe my husband can be forgetful at times, or there’s views we don’t see eye to eye on. He tends to sneak our kids way too much toys, cookies and candy when I’m not looking. There’s days where he wants to be lazy when all I want him to do is clean the house. When I’m upset, I could go on and on about things I don’t like about my husband but then I go back and remember the things I do love about him. My husband works hard, and does his best to provide for our family. I can depend on him to take care of our kids: he’s actually the main one in charge getting our son ready for school every morning, and does the full bedtime routine for our kids every night. He’s an expert diaper changer and best friend to all 3 of our kids. There’s days he cleans without me even asking – does laundry, cleans the kitchen, etc. He’s a good listener when it comes to important conversations. He makes me laugh with his corny jokes. He’s always up for fun and is known to suggest spontaneous family outings. He puts up with my Disney obsessions (even though he’s not the biggest Disney fan). He always does his best to show me love in little ways and I appreciate him a lot for doing so. Take the time to write down the things you love about your spouse and focus on them when they’re not living up to your expectations. And some good advice – don’t set the bar so high for them in the first place! It will save you a lot of heartache.

2) It’s a minor thing…
Really, it is. Unless you are a perfect wife or husband, chances are you have no right to complain.

3) We aren’t saying you can change him…
I’ve received some great counsel from my mentors that no matter hard as you try, you can never change your spouse. You can pray and hope for the best for them to change some bad habits, but at the end of the day, it’s not on you. Only God can change them and knowing this can take a lot of guilt and anger off your shoulders. You wouldn’t want a robot of a husband anyway and it would feel so much better if they changed on their own because they wanted to, and not just because you started a fuss over something. Right?

4) People make bad choices if they’re mad or scared or stressed…
Hurt people hurt people, and that’s just common sense. Your spouse may make mistakes, some that may seem unforgivable. Be a giver of second and third (maybe even more) chances. Take a minute to see things from your spouse’s perspective, because there may be some big things going on that they don’t even understand themselves, which causes them to act in ways that may not be loving towards you.

5) Throw a little love their way, and you’ll bring out the best…
There’s going to be days (maybe a LOT of days where you’re going to practice the principal of “loving the unlovable.” When storms come, it’s going to be hard to love your unlovable spouse, but you can guarantee that unconditional love will only bring great things out of your marriage. It may take a lot of time and a lot of tears, but in end it will be all worth it.

6) But when push comes to shove, the only fixer upper fixer that can fix a fixer upper is true love!
Love is a choice, not a feeling. Something I hear a lot when divorce comes into play in a marriage is that the couple has “fallen out of love.” What does this really mean though? I think the biggest problem nowadays is that people only associate love with romantic type feelings, or eros love. Often times when people don’t feel those “warm fuzzies” anymore, they feel like their love towards that person is dead. Love doesn’t only have to be romantic, there’s also types of love like phileo (friendship) and agape (unconditional). A strong marriage will be based on all 3 of these types of love, and it’s important to know that husbands and wives will bounce between the 3. True love endures, it doesn’t bail when times are tough or because the “romance is gone.”

I leave you with an exercise that I may have brought up in a past post. 1 Corinthians 13 describes the true definition of love. Replace your name wherever the word LOVE appears and see if it rings true for you. If it doesn’t, work on it and witness your marriage and relationships (kids, family and friends) transform to a whole new level.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy, love does not boast, love is not proud. Love does not dishonor others, love is not self-seeking, love is not easily angered, love keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

Posted in Disney, DIY, In Christ, Marriage, Movie Reviews
6 comments on “So Your Spouse is a Bit of a Fixer Upper
  1. BriGeeski says:

    Great truths here! Thanks for the post. Now I have to hear the song from Frozen. 🙂

  2. Carole says:

    Excellent post and a fitting reminder to all of us that are married! Thanks for sharing!

  3. Great post Raquel! Your shirts are too cute. Makes me want to go listen to the song!

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